Not a moment longer could I deny the need for clothes. Might have been the Landlord, if truth be told. Yes, was a little humiliated by my wardrobe. And my smell. For these last few years have been scent free. Did not enjoy being scent free. Felt like scent was my signature. Felt like wasn’t…
If truth be told, I thought it’d be a lot harder to get clean. I’d seen Trainspotting, after all. Not that I was addicted to heroine. Hell, no. It wasn’t Pete Doherty’s circle we were in. But bad enough. Imagined self being sick for days on end. Imagined self screaming out in pain, being driven…
Was seventeen, I think. Had just been to see Mr Gruff for what was becoming our usual twice-weekly meeting of coffee drinking and smoking. Didn’t have a lot else to do. Was not in school, had no family, and no real job. Gruff was the only person I knew and he tolerated me. Our catchups…
I know you are all wondering how. How on earth anyone could possibly get sucked into a cult? Well, obviously (and everyone who has been in a cult would say the same) I didn’t think it a cult. I didn’t even think it a church. Odd, yes, given it is known as a church. It’s…
Every time I open up WordPress, I've had to look at that god-awful profile pic I selected. And when I saw 'selected', I mean searching 'freedom' on Google and saving the first photo that came up. Was cheesy as all shite. Honestly. Two wrists with a broken bond? Was crap. Hated it. Is hard when…
Right. So quite a lot has happened this afternoon. Is most activity I’ve had since day I left the church. Got text from Gruff explaining Landlord’s behaviour probably due to his reclusiveness. Yes, Landlord is a recluse. So seeing another human being probably scared the shit out of him. Felt much better after this discovery.…
Blistering cold again this morning. Wrapped self in duvet for walk into woods. Enjoy sitting on the small arched bridge which spans the stream before it opens out into a pond. Is lovely peaceful place to be and do frequent it every day, sitting on bridge with feet dangling on edge. Have three cigarettes while…
I love reading. Was always my escape as a child. Haven’t been allowed to read. Well, not for fun. All we read was church books. The same shit over and over again. No real plot. Certainly no sex. Sometimes wish was in Christian or Mormon cult. At least would have stories to read. The problem…
Right. I admit it. I miss having a purpose. Am quite annoyed at self for admitting this. Because purpose turned out to be a lie. No, we were not saving the world. No, have not found answer to inner peace, bullshit, bullshit. But now — have nothing to do. Okay well, is a lie. Am…
Verbal communication has never been my strong point. Reminded of this fact constantly the last ten years. Never good for your confidence. But they do like to point out your faults. So you have something to work on. When I say it was not my strong point, what I mean is, that the idea of…
